Three years ago a man by the name of Phillip Seaton of Waddy, KY had to go to the doctor for a routine circumcision. But when he woke up – about an inch of his penis was gone! He later had to have another doctor remove it completely. He’s now suing for what I can only assume is a million quadrillion dollars. 

Seaton, well into his 60’s, was having the procedure back in 2007 to treat inflammation. But while he was down there Dr. John Patterson found out that Seaton had cancer in his penis and it absolutely had to be removed. The only problem is that, according to Seaton, neither he or his wife were even consulted about the amputation – let alone given the option for a second opinion. (Hey, at least they didn’t use a box cutter, amirite?)

Now they’re finally set to go to trial. Unfortunately this is Kentucky and in the time of Tort Reform we can expect Seaton to get approximately five dollars for his missing penis and maybe a cab ride home. Maybe.

Which is a shame. After all, I don’t care if it looks like that chest-bursting alien from Aliens down there and that cutting it off could end global terrorism and world hunger – I still want a second opinion before you lop it off. And besides, maybe Seaton was some kind of stud. Chicks dig that tumorous girth. Or so I’ve been told.

Update: Courts ruled against Seaton. Guess you can’t win ‘em all.